I Caught the Bird Feeder Red Handed

For weeks my dad has been complaining about a swarm of birds that have taken up house on our front lawn. It's like the bushes attract every flying creature in a five-mile radius.

While I don’t mind the addition, it drives him crazy and he’s been determined to catch the culprit that’s been feeding them. Thankfully, I ran into this person before he did.

I happen to be staying at my parent’s house this weekend and was on my way home from a shopping spree at CVS when I spotted a little old woman with a ridiculously large bag filled with bread standing in our driveway. From down the block I could see her breaking off chunks and tossing them by the handful into our front yard. I couldn’t help but start laughing.

My mom who happened to be walking next to me said, “So, are you going to say something?” Apparently she didn’t want to do the dirty work.

As I approached, this woman had absolutely no shame and was mid-toss when I asked, “Could you please stop feeding the birds?” She quickly replied, “Do you live here?”

“Actually I do,” I answered as well as every other bird in the neighborhood I thought to myself. “Is it bothering you?” she asked which caught me off guard since I’m thinking, lady, this is private property, back off, but instead I politely stated, “Well my parents happen to spend a ridiculously large amount of money and time on landscaping and since someone’s been feeding the birds here, Chicago’s wildlife has wreaked havoc on all of their efforts."

I felt a little guilty since she looked like she was enjoying herself but then realized we’re about two blocks away from a magnificent park and I can’t imagine the birds not following her and her bag of whole grain bread there.

A Crazy Day in Madison

The plan was to have a relaxing weekend with one of my friends in law school. Eat some good food, enjoy some drinks and have a few dance parties. But that all changed when tens of thousands of protesters stormed Wisconsin's capitol.

For a journalist, my little getaway was perfect timing.

We spent the afternoon wandering around downtown Madison, my favorite sign read, "Hey Scott, I wanted to screw my 4th grade teacher too."

The capitol building was packed from top to bottom with thousands of people chanting and cheering. This is one of the pictures I snapped on my tip toes looking down on the crowd.

Come on LaGuardia

For the past 48 hours I was in New York City for a work function and picked up one of those disposable razors you get for like $1 at CVS (which was great by the way).

While repacking to come back to Chicago, of course I was running late, so with a quick swoop, shuffled everything from the bathroom into my toiletries carry-on (including the razor and several of those shampoo/conditioner/body wash freebies...I love those too).

Let me first say I hate LaGuardia's airport. I've spent some time there and it always makes me nauseous. It probably has something to do with the fact I feel like I'm in an underground bunker, that's always 10 degrees too hot, especially for professionals in business suites.

I remembered that razor at the last second and thought about throwing it away but decided to be a little sneaky and see if I could make it through, I mean, I only used it once.

As usual, I sailed past security, I've usually got pretty good luck when it comes to that kind of stuff. The Indian woman standing in front of me wasn't as lucky. Instead of searching my bad ass with a razor knowingly inside my purse they picked on her and her "Henna for Hair" product. Which was shaken, flipped upside down and then just eventually opened.

I decided to keep moving but felt a little guilty about the situation so have decided to dedicate my next shave to that woman...I hope that doesn't sound creepy (I'll keep it rated PG).

How does one recover gracefully from a fall?

I was shooting this heart-shaped hamburger at a restaurant when I slipped on the wet floor, tried to catch myself, but instead totally wiped out.

I've actually had my fair share of spills: A miserable trip during a basketball game in high school when I rolled over the ball; A catastrophe during prom when I tumbled down the stairs in my beautiful full length gown; a messy accident when I got my high heel caught in a crack and plunged in front of a packed restaurant in Las Vegas.

However, I've never seriously injured myself during any of these drops and have to believe they've all built character. But I would like to know if there's a strategy for recovering from these embarrassments gracefully?

Oh Iowa...

I was at the beginning stages of a four hour drive to Iowa Friday night when my radio stopped working. It froze and so did I. I could not imagine 3 1/2 more hours of pure silence. My only distraction was a pitch black road; not exactly how I wanted to start my weekend.

But slowly things started to improve. I downloaded Pandora on my blackberry. I stopped at an oasis for a bag of Munchies (that amazing Doritos, Chitos, Sun Chips, and pretzel mix) and then I spotted something that really cheered me up. Iowa 80, the largest truck stop in the world...or so its neon jumbo sign claimed. It was the first time the whole trip I dropped my speed to 70 mph. I had to take it all in as quickly as I could since I was already running late.

I've been to my fair share of rest stops but I was shocked by Iowa 80's massive proportions. I didn't have time to actually pull in but the next time I'm headed to Cedar Rapids it's definitely going to be on the to-do list.

Flirting at the Psoriasis Clinic

I’ve had psoriasis my entire life. It’s not the worst case you’ve ever seen but is mostly enflamed around joints like my elbows, knees and ankles.

It’s something I’ve come to live with but constantly try and get rid of too.

I recently started going to the Mavena Clinic in Arlington Heights. It’s supposed to be one of the best treatment facilities in the world and since I’ve tried just about everything else, I thought it was worth a shot.

It’s basically a two-step process. I take a salt-water bath for 15 minutes and then am exposed to about a minute of UVB rays in a tanning bed. Showering before and after the cleanses.

It sounds relaxing at first but I’m supposed to do this at least twice a week for who knows how long and have come to pretty much dread my visits.

There usually isn’t anyone else at the clinic when I’m there, so I’ll admit I’m pretty lax when it comes to my physical appearance before and after the treatments.

But Monday was different.

After showering for the second time, I realized I forgot a brush so just combed through my knotted hair with my fingers and threw it up in a makeshift ponytail. I also just got a facial so my skin is still a little…how do I say this…fragile…and extremely blotchy. Therefore, I ditched any sort of makeup for a bit of lotion instead.

To be completely honest, I also forgot deodorant but decided my sweat-shirt and sweat-pants would fill the void. I jumped into my winter boots and headed for the door.

Unfortunately the nurse who usually checks me out in a timely fashion was dealing with another patient. I’m not exactly sure what type of treatment he’s signed up for but DAMN did he look way better than me.

Slick backed hair, radiant skin and a smile plastered across his face; I knew exactly what was going to happen next. It didn’t take this guy (who by the way was accompanied by his son) more then 60-seconds to start in with the 60-questions…but I did notice he wasn't wearing a ring (funny how I pick up on things like that now).

I’ve actually got a history of meeting people in interesting places. It’s like the big man upstairs gets a hardy laugh about my peculiar introductions.

“So how long have you been coming here?” psoriasis man asked.

“Since my last outbreak,” I thought about answering but instead replied, “a couple of weeks.”

“I swear by the treatment,” he added. “I’ve cleared up 100%. Sometimes I just want to run around naked because I feel so good about myself.” I’m not kidding, he actually said naked within the first two minutes.

I looked towards the nurse for some backup but she was trying to focus on everything but our conversation. That’s when I realized I was alone on this one.

Standing there soaking wet, still covered in salt residue, watching him comb every exposed body part of mine for a sign of my skin disease I tried to carry on a normal conversation.

God help this poor guy’s son who obviously wanted to be anywhere else than the waiting room at his father’s psoriasis clinic. So after he handed me his card and said to call him if I had any questions about the treatments I politely turned towards the front desk to make my next appointment.

“Dad, the lotion,” the little boy quietly whispered to his father about the $75 bottle he had forgotten on the counter during his conversation with me. “I don’t know what I would do without this guy,” he replied.

I called my mom later that day to tell her about my run in at the psoriasis clinic and do you know what my dad chimed in with? "At least you already have something in common."

My Break Up with Denver

I’ve always idealized Denver, Colorado. The mountains, clean air, healthy people and easy lifestyle. But I’ve never actually spent that much time there. So, when I got the chance to visit over the weekend I immediately booked my plane ticket.

A friend of mine was interviewing at a hospital so I accompanied her and took the opportunity to explore a town I thought I would absolutely love.

After flying in Thursday night, I woke up Friday morning eager to get going. I would say I kicked off the day with a five-mile walk around Denver’s outskirts. Then, after a bowl of seafood chowder I explored the city’s insides. The entire time I kept thinking…nice but not great, pretty but not beautiful, new but not charming.

Don’t get me wrong; there are a few great spots. Larimer Street is lined with little boutiques and spectacular restaurants that all have outdoor seating. We had dinner one night at Rioja and it was the best meal I’ve had in months. But that’s just one restaurant and one street. Then there’s 16^th Street Mall. Basically an outdoor shopping center with all your name brands. It was a fun walk but I was attacked by a Greenpeace activist who got upset with me because I wouldn’t give him my credit card information to sign up.

The upside was all the extremely attractive men. Ladies, if you’re interested in rock climbing, music playing, tall, broad and fresh-faced males, Denver is the place to be. They all look like they just jumped off the ski lift.

But that's not enough these days to make me want to move there. As soon as we left Denver, headed to Boulder, I was much more attracted to my surroundings. Colorado is an amazing beast with endless roads, mountain landscapes that will take your breath away and weather that’s way WAY better than Chicago.

Boulder just charmed the pants off of me. For some reason, I thought Denver was going to be a much larger Boulder. But it’s not there yet.

Would I visit again? Yes. Would I make it a vacation destination? Probably not. Do I think it’s got huge potential? Absolutely!