I Caught the Bird Feeder Red Handed

For weeks my dad has been complaining about a swarm of birds that have taken up house on our front lawn. It's like the bushes attract every flying creature in a five-mile radius.

While I don’t mind the addition, it drives him crazy and he’s been determined to catch the culprit that’s been feeding them. Thankfully, I ran into this person before he did.

I happen to be staying at my parent’s house this weekend and was on my way home from a shopping spree at CVS when I spotted a little old woman with a ridiculously large bag filled with bread standing in our driveway. From down the block I could see her breaking off chunks and tossing them by the handful into our front yard. I couldn’t help but start laughing.

My mom who happened to be walking next to me said, “So, are you going to say something?” Apparently she didn’t want to do the dirty work.

As I approached, this woman had absolutely no shame and was mid-toss when I asked, “Could you please stop feeding the birds?” She quickly replied, “Do you live here?”

“Actually I do,” I answered as well as every other bird in the neighborhood I thought to myself. “Is it bothering you?” she asked which caught me off guard since I’m thinking, lady, this is private property, back off, but instead I politely stated, “Well my parents happen to spend a ridiculously large amount of money and time on landscaping and since someone’s been feeding the birds here, Chicago’s wildlife has wreaked havoc on all of their efforts."

I felt a little guilty since she looked like she was enjoying herself but then realized we’re about two blocks away from a magnificent park and I can’t imagine the birds not following her and her bag of whole grain bread there.